Listening to my fears

Date: 2/1/22
Training Day: 58
Miles: 2.6 (strides, treadmill)
Time: 35 min
Shoes: Xero HFS
Activity: Strength – Strength Capacity

How It Felt: I took it kind of easy on my run today because my lungs still aren’t happy, and I feel like I might be coming down with something. But the run felt great, which I attribute to my awesome 180 BPM playlist. It gets me going every time!

The strength workout was awesome! Getting stronger feels so good!

Commentary: My morning meditation has fallen by the wayside, but I’ve kept up with the evening meditation. I guess because it’s easier to get into bed early than it is to wake up earlier. Anywho, the one I listened to last night was about fear.

Part of the funk I’m in, and one of the main reasons I don’t want to work a real job forever, is that I fear I’m running out of time. What if my body isn’t capable of doing the things I want to do once I quit? What if I get some disease and die right after I quit my job? Am I wasting my time at this job when I could be doing something I really enjoy?

Happy Chinese New Year!

The gist of the meditation was to listen to our fears and discover what purpose they serve. So, I spent a little bit of quality time with my fears, and I did discover a few things.

I need to live in the present moment. The future is never a guarantee. Instead of daydreaming about what is to come, I need to appreciate and enjoy what I have right now. By focusing on the future, I miss out on the very moment I am in, and that is a true waste of time.

I wonder who patient zero was…

This also means I need to take advantage of the time I have regardless of my job, where I live, or what I live in. Let’s say I die the day I quit. I can die either thinking about all the things I could have done in my ideal life or thinking about all the things I did in a less than ideal situation.

The ideas I have in my head of what I’ll do when I quit aren’t the only things I can do when the time comes. There are so many things I can enjoy and experience regardless of my physical capabilities. I am the only one who can limit my experiences.

And I think I might have mentioned this in a previous blog post, but my renewed desire to live in the van is the motivation I needed to get my shit together financially. I’ve only been saving half of what I could be because I keep spending money on dumb stuff. Now, I’m back on a budget, and my weekly savings transfer is what it should have been the whole time.

Long story short, I’m feeling a bit better today. And I earned a few Garmin badges, so there’s that!

Training Journal

Christina View All →

Endlessly seeking adventure.

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