Oh, father

Date: 12/26/22
Training Day: Week 8, Day 1
Miles: Nada
Mobility/Stretching: Nope
Ate Well: Not really

Commentary: Monday morning and early afternoon we lounged about, soaking up the last few hours with my dad. The plan was to leave on Tuesday, but an incoming weather system moved up our departure to Monday afternoon. I had mixed feelings as we drove away from my dad’s.

Pops driving his 1932 Ford Sedan.

I am my father’s daughter. In my 20s I preferred going to him with any life problems, and I cherished his advice. But my dad was raised believing that once your kid moved out of the house, they had their own lives to live, and the parents could live their empty-nest lives. Being a wee wild in my younger years, this suited me just fine. Now that I’m older, and more importantly, now that my dad is older, I feel we squandered many good years.

Now my father is old. He can barely hear, and for the past decade has talked of getting a hearing aid but has yet to get one. He tells the same stories over and over and over and over again – on the same day. Sometimes within the same hour. I don’t know if it’s because of his hearing or his mind, but he doesn’t ask anyone any questions about themselves. He never asks how my job is, our adventures, or if anything new is going on in my life. He doesn’t even ask my sister about his granddaughter.

Dad “giving me away” at my second wedding. Worst marriage of the three, but God am I happy to have had that moment with my dad.

The hurt part of me tends to take over and chooses not to tell him about what’s going on with me, justifying it by believing he’d ask if he actually cared. As we drove away from my old dad I burst into tears. He’s old. And he is who he is. I can’t change him, but I can do better. I vowed to send him photos and write him letters (he can see and read, he just can’t hear) at least once a month. Regardless of my hurt feelings, my dad deserves to know what’s going on in my life. After all, he’s my dad.

My two favorite men in the whole world.

I also miss my dad. It’s not because I don’t get to see him often enough. Even when I’m with him, I miss him. He’s not the same man he was 15 years ago. We used to have real conversations. He used to tell me stories about his younger years, not just the same old stories about the cats and the critters.

He really loves his critters, and they seem to like him too.

Now, I get impatient, irritated, and frustrated when he tells me for the hundredth time about Sylvia, the mama cat, and how she came to the house and had her kittens. The same story I’ve heard every single time I’ve talked to him since 2016. The same story I hear multiple times a day when I visit him. I have to take a step back and remind myself he’s not doing it maliciously. Then I remind myself to be grateful.

I don’t know what I’d do without these two.

I’m grateful he’s still alive. I’m grateful he has a wonderful girlfriend who makes him happy. I’m grateful he still has his memory and knows who I am. I’m grateful he’s the great guy he is now and not the angry man who raised me as a kid. I’m grateful I live close enough to easily visit him. I’m grateful he’s healthy. I’m grateful he’s my dad.

Reflections

Christina View All →

Endlessly seeking adventure.

4 Comments Leave a comment

  1. Aww love this and totally get what you mean when saying “ I am my fathers daughter “ as I’m the same with my dad . Every year I have him over for Xmas he stops over Xmas day and night and leaves mid day Boxing Day as by then he’s super tired and had enough of us . 🤣🤣. Tho to be fair we do play monopoly every bloody year for 5+ hours ( I do wonder why we torture ourselves with it but it seems to be a tradition) he too is hard of hearing but thankfully caved in and got hearing aids . Tho at times he still can’t hear me . I’m convinced he is just zoning out from my droning on 🤣🤣. I always dread the Xmas part but then I have to remind myself he’s here and even tho mum and he split when I was 15 ( mum remarried , sadly she’s gone now ) I always visit every week , bring him up a food parcel as I cook way too much . I have some many of his mannerisms. It’s hard isn’t it being with them and then leaving them . My dad was the same once you leave home that’s it you fend for yourself , but he wouldn’t see us go without and would always help us if needs be . It’s nice we can still see them even when they wind us up , which I’m sure we must of done when we were young . Hence karma has come back to bite us in the ass with them now 🤣🤣

    Liked by 1 person

    • That’s wonderful you get spend Christmas with your dad, even if you do torture him with Monopoly 😂. I think people with hearing aids purposely turn them off. They got used to living in their own little world, get hearing aids and all of sudden they’re expected to listen again, lol. I believe you are right about the karma! I’ll have to keep that in mind next time I see Dad and just take what coming to me 🤣.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. yep, feel ya. dad’s deaf, I don’t think he’s ever changed the battery in his hearing aid, and is like 2 different people…with my sister he’s depressed about getting old and can’t look after himself, with me, everything’s fine, and he’s wearing my mom down….my goal for 2023 is to try to find them a psycologiest or someone to talk with them and work with them…they both are having challenges with getting older….and yeah, running’s a challenge, but well, life huh?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hearing aids are more for us than the person wearing them it seems, lol. I hope you can find your folks some help! I bet everyone will be happier all around. And yes, running and life are quite the challenge! I figure I won’t be hard on myself for not running until I get back home.

      Like

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