Date: 4/25/21
Training Day: 93
Miles: Absolutely nothing
Time: The whole weekend
Weather: Raining and 40s today, mostly cloudy and warm the rest of the weekend

Thursday I got my second round of ‘rona vaccine. The first one left me feeling fatigued and nauseous for a few hours, but I still managed to get a workout in. This second one kicked my ass!

In the middle of the night I woke up with a fever feeling like I might vomit. I never puked, but the fever stuck with me all day Friday. I fended it off with acetaminophen and ibuprofen and spent the entire day doing fuck all. I definitely didn’t go to the gym for my strength training.

I’m happy to report that by Saturday I was feeling better, made good progress towards my diamond trophies in Eggs Inc, and worked my way up the ranks in Golf Clash. Can’t say I’m exactly proud of the last two, but I’m happy about them.

The plan for the weekend was gym on Friday, bike ride Saturday and long run on Sunday. As far as non-workout related activities, I planned to get shit done around the house.

Saturday morning rolled around, and although I felt fine, I could not bring myself to go to the gym, climb on my bike or lace up a pair of running shoes. Instead, I ran around town buying stuff for the house.

While this might seem normal and productive, it was actually productive procrastination. I hate shopping, especially on the weekends because of the public. Too many fucking people, long checkout lines, and shitty traffic. But I used the house and recovering from my shot as an excuse not to workout. Lame.

This morning my alarm went off, and I got dressed in my outside running clothes for my long run. Then it started raining. I sent a message to my running coach to tell him I skipped a workout yesterday and would be completing my long run on the treadmill.

I’m currently sitting on my chaise with my adorable cat in my lap, watching it rain. I can’t bring myself to leave the house and go to the gym. What the fuck is wrong with me?!

Let’s count the ways…

It almost seems like I’ve lost my motivation to train for a 100-miler. I still want to do it, but I’m seriously lacking the discipline to do it right now. I’m also not looking forward to the Spartan, the half marathons, or really any of the races I signed up for.

Was it the four weeks off from running? Is it because the weather is getting nicer and there are more things to do other than train? Is it because I want a life and for my time off to not just revolve around training? Have I lost my motivation to getting drunk once a week? Or is it some combination of one or more of these?

Whatever it is, I’m just not feeling it right now.

I guess I really have to take some time to think about whether I really want to do a 100-miler anymore or if it was just a winter fantasy. I still enjoy running, and I still want to run, but I’m seriously questioning my dedication to training right now.

Before, nothing stood in my way. I easily turned down my friends and husband to go to bed early and wake up early to train. I declined many a tasty, alcoholic beverage in the name of training. Hell, I gave up delicious animal flesh in the name of training! I don’t regret that one at all, even if I never train for anything again in my life.

Now, I’m a slug.

Tomorrow I’m hoping to hit the reset button and get my shit together. I feel like I’ve been talking about getting my shit together for weeks now. Perhaps I will spend the rest of today contemplating what I want to do with my life and why.

Stay tuned for the results of my contemplation.

Have you ever lost your motivation for a goal? How did you get it back? Did you get it back?

Training Journal exercise fitness journal running strength trail running training