Date: 3/14/21
Training Day: 51
Strength Training: Legs

How It Felt: Horrible (see commentary).

Commentary: All my leg exercises for today were some version of a split squat. This made sense since my personal trainer was focusing on strengthening my right leg to support my jank knee.

After the TRX split squat I could tell my right quad wasn’t engaging as much as it should. My left quad was already feeling it, but my right one felt fine. Okay, focus on trying to engage that right quad.

For the Bosu split squat I couldn’t add any weight to the bar because if I did my right knee hurt. It was probably for the best because my left quad was quivering after three sets. As hard as I tried, I could not get my right quad to engage. It was just along for the ride, counting on my other muscles to pick up its slack.

The last exercise was Bulgarian split squats. My left quad struggled to finish the first set. My right quad was still fucking off, probably smoking a cigarette while scrolling through Facebook. But my right calf and foot were getting a great workout.

At this point I burst into tears. I scurried to the bathroom and wept. Why and how the fuck am I not capable of engaging my right quad?! How the fuck am I supposed to help my knee if I can’t even do what I need to do to help it?! I pulled myself together eventually and finished the last two sets of Bulgarian split squats.

Then I went to the leg extension machine and only worked my right leg in an effort to get my right quad to do something. After the gym my friend and I went to brunch, and I consoled myself with numerous mimosas.

My knee is really getting me down. I can’t even bring myself to do the stationary bike. Whenever I manage to get in with a physical therapist, I hope to all things holy they can help.

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