The USU professor told me he’d make his decision in early December. Still, every time the browser tab for my inbox showed a new email, I checked my inbox expectantly, hoping for something from the UNR professor. Leave me alone LinkedIn! My cozy cabin waiting room began to cool as the fire turned to dull embers, ass sore from sitting on the couch with my empty hot cocoa mug.

The day after the USU interview, it finally happened. I opened my inbox to find an email asking about my availability for an interview. Trying to not look like I sat staring at my inbox, anxiously awaiting his email, I typed up my reply asking for the time slot for the very next day, and scheduled the email to send a half a hour later instead of less than five minutes after he sent his.

He graciously refilled my cup with hot cocoa and wrapped a blanket around my shoulders when his response came because it included a list of topics for the interview. Wait. You mean instead of rehearsing answers for dozen of questions that might not get asked, I can focus my attention? Mind. Blown.

Although labeled as an interview, our Zoom call had more of a first-date vibe, except centered around research and academia with higher stakes. Most first dates, you learn about each other to see if you want to hang out again and possibly make out (or more). This first-date interview, we learned about each other to see if wanted to work together for 4+ years. We learned this through conversation that flowed naturally but covered all topics instead of a Q&A session.

After the first-date interview, with butterflies in my stomach, my mind went straight silly school girl. Oh my gosh! I hope I hear from him soon! I wonder if he liked me as much as I liked him. Thankfully, I didn’t spend long trapped in my head, playing through different scenarios like I’m reading a Choose Your Own Adventure book.

Less than an hour after bidding me farewell, he sent me the proposal for the research project. He also put me in touch with a student and a post doc in his lab to give me the chance to learn more about the lab and him as an advisor. His email made it sound as though I already had the position, “We should pursue the work in the way that best fits our strengths as a team.” Oh my gosh! He likes me! I think. Wait. Does he? Does he say this to all his interviewees?

When casually dating, a person is shopping around, looking for the best potential match. You might hit it off with someone and really like them, but you already have another date on your calendar, so why not see if they’re a better match. I knew this professor likely had other interviews scheduled, leaving me wondering if a future first-date interview with a prospective student might go better than ours.

Instead of looking for a place to live in Reno, I carefully reviewed the proposal, ingesting each bit and digging deep to send back thoughtful questions that I hoped didn’t reveal how little I knew about soil water dynamics. I also shot off emails to the lab members he put me in touch with and learned this professor’s hot-cocoa-in-a-cabin vibe extended beyond well-crafted emails and first-date interviews.

The butterflies in my stomach returned when the professor expressed his appreciation for my great and helpful questions and suggested another Zoom call. Squeal! A second date! He put the cherry on top of my excited sundae when he closed out his email strongly encouraging me to apply to the program as soon as possible, although the comment sent mixed signals.

While I did not look for apartments in Reno right away, I did start my application right after sending my questions about the proposal. While not super savvy on PhD application protocols, I gathered that one usually did not apply to a program unless offered a position by their prospective advisor. I intended to only submit my application after receiving an offer, so his comment made me wonder, is he leading me on?

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